5 Things Tennis Parents Can’t Do
You can’t buy physical talent.
Fact: No amount of heat or pressure can turn a lump of coal into a diamond just as no amount of money can turn an average athlete into an elite one. We can be honest about this without hurting anyone’s feelings. There are great reasons to play tennis that have nothing to do with displaying talent. Getting better at something that you’re not prodigiously good at at is one of the most rewarding feelings possible, and the reason to put your child through tennis lessons is to teach the values associated with hard work and attention to detail. The truth is, if your child was going to go pro or earn a D1 scholarship, he/she would clearly outperform and outgrow the local competition within 18 months of taking up tennis. Sending a child to a tennis academy when they haven’t won a tournament or outgrown the competition at the local park is an insane thing to do.
You can’t educate mental talent without letting your child fail.
The best mental lessons won’t come from what you say to your kids but what you don’t say to them. While you should tell your kid to work harder and take away life lessons from tough losses, you shouldn’t intervene and try to alleviate a bad temper as soon as it forms. Let them work the problem out on their own. Don’t bite when they’re overwhelmed by the problems they’re facing, and don’t ever buy a new racquet for kids that break them in frustration. Leave the court if you have to. It may be awkward and painful, but nothing can be better for their confidence than to find their own inner strength in difficult situations.
You can’t enforce a love of the game.
Self-evidently, people tend to love activities that align with their natural aptitudes and interests. Introducing tennis to young children is one thing, but if a kid’s been playing for more than 6 months and doesn’t seem overjoyed every time they get to play, forget the sunk costs and find them another sport or hobby. If the love of the game isn’t there, don’t expect to see bounds of improvement. Sometimes, kids need breaks or to see things from a different perspective (i.e. see a new coach) - that’s all fine. Other times, kids are afraid to tell you that they’ve lost interest, and that they no longer feel motivated. Look for those signs. Watch how they get out of the car when you arrive at practice. Ask how tennis went after they get back into the car. Skip a week of tennis and see how bad they miss it.
You can’t live vicariously through your kid’s tennis.
If you failed at something in your past, why do you feel the need to pass that emotional baggage onto your child? You may ruin the most meaningful relationship you have in your life. Tennis should be a source of bonding, not pressure and stress. Yes, some professional tennis players have overbearing parents, but the majority have supportive parents that kept a healthy distance from their kid’s development. If your kid doesn’t go pro (most likely they won’t) and you were a jerk to them the whole time, then he/she will probably resent you.
You can’t talk about things you know nothing about.
Everyone starts from a different place, so even if you play or coach tennis, be careful with how you talk to your kid about his/her development. This doesn’t mean don’t talk to them at all, but instead you should be focused on whether or not your kid is representing the values you stand for. For example, if your kid made a bad line call, displayed poor sportsmanship, or put in lackluster effort during a match or practice, you should let them know how you feel and possibly use some form of discipline to get the point across. On the other hand, if your kid is struggling to fix his/her backhand, keep your mouth shut and let coaches and time run their course. After all, if you don’t play, nothing will upset your kid more than to hear you lecture them about something you know very little about.
